I’ve known Omar for several years, and I never had any hint of the kind of actions he’s been accused of…which I can see now speaks more to his position here than to the fact that it wasn’t happening. Because it’s pretty clear it did happen — Omar himself has admitted it — and the people being victimized were afraid of the consequences. And I absolutely get that. This is a situation where he had power over a whole lot of people, and those people felt like they couldn’t speak out.

I know Veronica Ramos, too, the first woman to come forward and accuse Omar, albeit mostly in the online realm where I “know” an embarrassing number of people. About a decade ago, Veronica reviewed music for SCR, after I posted a pretty sad plea for new writers to come on board. She didn’t stay long, but I couldn’t blame her for that — she’s a good writer, and we’re a zero-budget kind of operation, so it was pretty obvious she would move on to bigger & better things. I lost touch with her, later hearing from another writer that she’d left town, although I never knew why; now, unfortunately, I do.

Since her post went up, I’ve talked to other people who’ve worked with Omar over the years, and the pattern is appalling. Beyond the more serious allegations, the stories I hear are remarkably similar — emotional manipulation, toxic workplaces, and power used to belittle other people. When I mentioned that I knew the guy but hadn’t ever actually worked for him, the response I got from more than one person was: “Be glad you didn’t.”

I believe Veronica, and I believe Phoenix Hamilton, the other woman who’s come forward to say that she was sexually assaulted by Omar. I believe my friends who’ve quietly told me what things have been like over at the FPH. I’m horrified that things like this have happened and have only now come to light, but at the same time, I’m glad that at least they have. My heart goes out to Veronica and Phoenix, as well as anybody else who’s been victimized.

While it’s obviously less important and more selfish, I’m also worried about Day for Night, which has been an amazing experience the past two years (I couldn’t make it for the first), and for FPH, because I know good, hard-working people who depend on the paper to pay their bills. I don’t know if those two entities can ever be truly disentangled from the guy who created them — Day for Night posted a statement saying the festival was cutting ties, but I’ve got no idea what that’ll actually mean going forward.

For his part, Omar has posted his own statement, where he says he’ll be stepping down both from DFN and FPH — again, no idea what that’ll look like in reality. He says he’s received death threats, which is awful and should not be happening.

He also says he’s been in therapy, which is great to hear, but he also alleges that the whole thing is a “coordinated attempt” to smear his name, which is less so. I’d hoped he would apologize publicly to his accusers, but that has yet to happen.

Going by other things he’s posted about this, Omar’s argument appears to be that what he did to Veronica and Phoenix wasn’t technically “assault” under the law. But you know what? Just because it’s technically legal doesn’t mean it’s not absolutely fucking wrong. And his actions most certainly were.

We’ve got to be better. Men — me included, I’m by no means perfect — have got to be better. We’ve got to raise our sons to know that women aren’t video-game-style quests to be “won”. We need to recognize that it’s not okay to force yourself on somebody else, period, end of story. And we apparently need to be taught that if we’re in a position of authority or power or influence over someone, it’s extra not-okay to use that position to get what we want.

For Omar’s sake, I hope he can understand that, as well. I don’t hate the guy; he’s responsible for a lot of things I’ve loved of the years, after all. However, I do hope he’s able to own up to his actions, apologize, make restitution to those he’s hurt, and figure out how he can not hurt people like this again. I sincerely believe people can change; maybe Omar can, too.

I don’t know what will happen now; pretty sure nobody does. It’s probably not going to be pretty or fun or anything even remotely similar for a whole lot of people. In the meantime, I’d point those interested over to the petition asking Day for Night to follow through with their pledge to cut ties with Omar, and if you’ve got a story to tell similar to what I’ve touched on above, you can submit it here, either anonymously or with your name attached.