Sounds Like BS, 3

I write music critiques. I listen to music, digest it, analyze it, and give my opinion in an abstract-yet-demonstrative manner that will hopefully steer you into the arms of sweet musical eargasms and save your ears from the irritability of listening to the crappy stuff. But just because I have a forum to express my views, does that make me the sage of musical integrity, the conduit through which the musical gods express their likes and displeasure? Damn skippy it does. Why would I be doing this if I didn’t have the definitive answer on what makes music good or not? I don’t have those Pultizers hanging in my bedroom — alongside my limited edition gold plated Lone Star cans — for nothing. Recognize. And that rant brings me to my case and point about this little group out of Canada called Sounds Like BS.

Sounds Like BS is a electro-hip-hop duo from Calgary. Made up of Dan Busheikin and Mike Searle, they derived their name from the initials of their surnames. Tragically, the moniker is a perfect description of their electronica-infused party pop-hop, because Sounds like BS sounds like BS. (I mean, that was so ripe for the taking I actually Googled it to see if someone else had used it and was shocked that I seem to be the first one to use that line. Shocked.)

This is not good music. Their new EP, 3, starts off like a conglomoration of Ghostland Observatory, 3Oh!3, and Flight of the Choncords, which I really have no problem with, but when you then mix in Jeffrey Starr and Tila Tequila, nausea ensues. These guys are trying to make fun, humorous music, but it just falls flat, like a guy bombing at a comedy club’s open mic night. You kind of feel bad for the guy, but you can’t help but heckle him.

The biggest problem is that the lyrics are often so sophomoric that they tilt to the moronic. How do you respond to lines from the song “Bitch You Got Way Too Many Dresses” when they say, “Bitch, you got way too many dresses / The way you move your booty’s like molasses / I can see you better with my glasses?” I mean, what? Or, “I’m in the club and then I gets a boner / I’m not sure why I just got this boner,” from the same song? It doesn’t get much better. In fact, on “Hater,” it gets so bad that I refuse to quote them any more. To make matters worse, they lay these lyrics down over these nauseous pop-techno beats that are so annoying listening to it makes you feel bad about life. This is music for people with no self-esteem.

I hate giving bad reviews; I really do. I think people who are overly critical of music or musical genres are close-minded douchebags who suck at life, but guess what? I’ve just been made the hypocrite. I wonder if their music would have been any better if they didn’t cite Limp Bizkit as one of their influences. If by any chance you think I’m being over-critical, by all means, head to the duo’s Website and judge for yourself. But do consider yourself warned.