Things We Learned in the Move

Moving is hard. That’s the primary takeaway I’ve gotten from this whole ordeal: it’s a gigantic pain in the ass, and not one I’m likely to undertake again anytime soon. Or, um, ever.

Since we’re finally feeling somewhat settled-in at The New Place (which we like quite a bit, mind you, but still…), I figured I’d take a moment to reflect on the things I’ve realized, discovered, or fought past denial about. I’m gonna share ’em with you here, just in case you care and/or may be considering stepping onto The Path to Home Ownership yourself.

• We just have too much fucking shit.
• My father, who says things like, “hey, you could still use that!,” in reference to an ancient hoe that’s snapped in two, is part of the reason we have too much fucking shit.
• The Munchkin has far too many toys and stuffed animals. See #2.
• It only takes one teeny-tiny rock kicked up by the lawn guy’s weedwhacker to destroy a whole French door the week you’re due to close.
• Birds can build nests anywhere. Even inside brick walls.
• You really do need special drill bits to drill holes in bricks.
• Blu-ray DVDs are not yet something I need to give a shit about, particularly when upconverting Blu-ray players cost more than an iPhone.
• Sometimes, when you get your mail forwarded, the legal correspondence of random people from San Antonio gets forwarded on to you, too.
• Yelling at your father-in-law is a very stupid thing to do.
• They sell a variety of Courvoisier that costs twice the price of a standard bottle and is half the size. I hear it’s good.
• Not everybody thinks about the existing phone jacks when re-doing drywall.
• Even a house where most of the “big” stuff is done still costs a pile of money to fix up.
• Big blue sparks coming from that breaker box in the garage are bad.
• Sewage flowing out of a pipe in your front yard is worse.
• Home warranties are nice, especially when they send people out on a Sunday.
• Just because there’s a cable sticking out of a wall, that doesn’t mean it works.
• There’s really no reason for me to still have a couple hundred copies of The Freshmakers/Big Top split-7″ sitting in a box in my back room.

There you go. Learn from my pain and avoid your own.