Okay, so my dad sure as hell doesn't read this blog, but what the hell: thanks, Dad. I know we don't always get along, and your musical tastes are pretty damn wretched, but there are some things I've learned from you over the years, and I feel like now's the time to give Pops some props. Here goes:

Things That I Now Realize Dad Was Right About:

1. The Righteous Brothers did, in fact, write some gorgeous songs, despite those songs being used in bad movies like Ghost.

2. If you're ever in a fight, don't threaten to rip somebody's head off or tear their spine out. Unless you're a UFC champion or something, odds are you can't do that, which means you'll just look stupid. Warn the other person calmly that you're going to hit them in the face as hard as you can, and that you'll keep hitting them as long as you have to. Then do it.

3. It actually is important to keep an eye on how much gas costs at different gas stations. (I swear, my dad knows the price of unleaded at every single gas station between H-town and San Antonio.)

4. Know where you came from and be proud of that history. Yours is unique, like nobody else's.

5. Not everybody can be a musical genius. Even if they happen to think they are.

6. Hating people you don't know is generally stupid and a waste of energy. Dislike somebody all you want, but to really, truly hate somebody, you've gotta know 'em. (And Dad, believe it or not, you and Henry Rollins are apparently in complete agreement on this one.)

7. No political party has a monopoly on being greedy, imbecilic, or just downright callous.

8. The outdoors is a heck of a lot more beautiful than the indoors. And there are a lot more stars up there in the sky than us city-dwellers realize.

9. Yeah, I give: a lot of heavy metal really does suck. Ditto for rap. (Note, however, that it doesn't mean all of it does.)

10. Extremists of any kind -- right or left, Christian or Muslim, carnivore or vegan, whatever -- are really fucking scary, because in the long run, they don't give a shit what happens to you as long as their goals are met.

11. The Ventures were quite possibly one of the absolute coolest bands ever, clean-cut fratboys or no.

12. Recycling is a good thing, and so is not buying things you really don't need.

13. If you hike heel-toe, heel-toe, rather than just shuffling along like a moron, your feet hurt a lot less at the end of a long hike.

14. Doing things just because your friends are doing them is the dumbest thing in the universe.

15. Dammit, sometimes I do actually want to capture every moment of my kid's day on video.

16. If you're going to invent words, you'd better make them really freakin' funny.

17. Live, at least, Barry Manilow's actually pretty entertaining. (Jesus, I can't believe I'm typing this.)

18. Racism is idiotic. If there's a God, he doesn't give a shit what color your skin is.

19. It is ridiculously empowering to know that you can start a fire all by your lonesome just using a couple of sticks, a shoestring, and some wood shavings.

20. Bagpipe music is intensely beautiful. No, seriously. It's also really good for getting your revenge on neighbors who play their music too loud.

21. Organized religion's good for some folks, but it's also been responsible for a whole lot of really bad things over the millennia.

22. Pro wrestling can be really fucking funny. Piledriving your brother into the carpet, however, probably isn't in the long run.

23. Few things are cooler than putting a 45 of Jan & Dean doing "Dead Man's Curve" on the record player and just making it play over and over again.

24. If you can't kick the ball, kick somebody.

There you go. Happy Father's Day, Dad, and thanks.

Labels: Random Rambling

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