Various Artists, Saw III Soundtrack

Astute Space City Rock readers might know that I am a director of horror films. They might also reason that I must be a huge fan of the Saw series — after all, it’s got guts and misanthropy galore, right? It’s a huge phenomenon, and every bloodthirsty person has to love Saw, right?

Yeah…um…not really.

I realize that this is a music review, but I assure you, I have a point here. I’m indifferent to the movies, and I’m pretty indifferent to this album, too. I like the idea of the Saw movies (and, by extension, probably the idea of an accompanying soundtrack), but the execution is lacking for me. I honestly think that the movies are a cynical exercise in producing what mainstream Hollywood thinks horror fans like me want to see. Substitute “hear” for “see” in that last sentence, and you pretty much have my description of the Saw III soundtrack, as well. There’s lots of palm-muting, guttural screaming, and blast beats, but I’ve heard better songs by most of these bands, especially Slayer, Ministry, and Static-X. And Helmet, of course — the greatest travesty is that one of the most boring songs on here comes from Helmet (“Monochrome”), who in their day could’ve eaten any of the other bands on here for lunch. Then again, that song is taken from a pretty disappointing full-length — but that’s another review entirely. And what the hell is Blue October doing on here? With a song called “Drilled a Wire Through My Chest,” no less? That sounds like a grasp at tangential relevance on par with the Van Halen songs from Twister. “Respect The Wind,” indeed.

Anyway, there are some small glimmers of coolness (again, like the movie series): Lamb of God’s “Walk With Me In Hell” and Mastodon’s “The Wolf Is Loose,” for two, but they’re not enough to raise the rest of the album above mediocrity for me. Avenged Sevenfold’s “Burn It Down” is enjoyable, as well, but I’ve owned the actual album that song came off of for some time now. To top it all off, I don’t really remember any of these songs being in the film proper, except for “Monochrome” being the end-title cue. It’s all smoke and mirrors, pretty much, musical fast food designed to make you think you just experienced something cool just through sheer sensory overload.

And what the hell is up with this being a “clean version,” bleeped profanity, sanitized soundtrack album for Saw III?!? They use the gruesome imagery and innuendo to sell you on this stuff, sure, but then it’s like they only want to halfway commit to it. Say it with me now: Just. Like. The. Movies. How you feel about that will determine whether or not this is your cup of tea.