Ladyfinger (ne), Heavy Hands

On Heavy Hands, Ladyfinger (ne) borrows from the last 30 years or so of heavy metal. Singer Chris Machmuller sounds like a cross between Robert Plant and Perry Farrell (which should also result in an ego large enough to damage small European countries). Ladyfinger (ne) has done something amazing on this record — the band takes a contemporary take on hardcore/metal and still manages to make it sound clichéd. It’s certainly an achievement, though undoubtedly not the kind these guys wanted.

The band shows range in their songs, too — they don’t just write the same song over and over. “Cause of Shame” sounds like Jane’s Addiction, “Too Cool for School” is their big ’80s hair-metal anthem, and “Diet Smoke” is a droning thrash song. Weirdly enough, there are a few moments that sound like the Constantines, too (“Don’t Lose Your Shadow”). But their songs suck, so it doesn’t help. Machmuller’s voice is extremely annoying, and the melodies range from boring to banal to irritating (more proof of their range?).

Their Website is ladyfingersucks.com, which may be the best example of truth-in-advertising I’ve ever seen. In line with that idea, here’s a slogan for their marketing campaign: “Ladyfinger (ne) — putting the ‘hair’ back in ‘hair metal’.” They can have that one for free!